2. Boston Celtics

I love the Boston Celtics and I love that this team exists.

Imagine for a second that you saw this headline in the year 2000:

 “Paul Pierce, Ray Allen, Kevin Garnett, Shaquille and Jermaine O’Neal join Boston Celtics”

Just look at the stat lines of these stars from ten years ago.

Pierce: 25.3 ppg, 6.4 rpg, 3.1 apg

Allen: 22.0 ppg, 5.2 rpg, 4.6 apg

Garnett: 22.9 ppg, 11.8 rpg, 5.0 apg

Jermaine O’Neal (2001-2002) : 19.0 ppg, 10.5 rpg

Shaquille O’Neal: 28.7 ppg, 12.7 rpg

       The five combined for nearly 120 ppg. Even with Rajon Rondo at the age of 14, he could have easily guided this team to a near perfect record and a guaranteed NBA title. Actually, no, they wouldn’t even play the season, the championship would simply be handed over to Danny Ainge, victory parade scheduled, and the team becoming an un-lockable bonus feature in NBA and Marvel video games all across the country.

            But a lot has changed since 2000-2001, guys like Dwyane Wade and Lebron James have joined the league, Director James Cameron is fresh off of Avatar instead of Titanic, and Shaquille O’Neal has gone from a cameo role in an Aaron Carter music video (something I still don’t know how/why he ever agreed to) to cameo roles on stage with Justin Bieber (once again don’t understand why). Since 2000, Aaron Carter has become Justin Bieber, Britney Spears has become Miley Cyrus, and the 2010 Boston Celtics roster looks less young pop-star performing for sold out crowds of screaming teenage girls to more that washed up guy from Old School/Hangover pouring his heart out into ‘Total Eclipse of the Heart’ at cinematic weddings. However, like Bob Dylan or Bruce Springstein, Led Zeppelin or ZZ Top, venues in 2010 continue to book these former greats in hopes that one magical night everything comes together, stars align, and they deliver that one legendary performance that makes the crowd wonder if they’ve somehow transported back in time. That performance, I think, will be the Eastern Conference Finals against the Miami Heat.

            First off, let’s look at the stat line from the same five stars in the 2009-2010 season.

Pierce: 18.3 ppg, 4.4 rpg, 3.1 apg

Allen: 16.3 ppg, 3.2 rpg, 2.6 apg

Garnett: 14.3 ppg, 7.3 rpg, 2.7 apg

Jermaine O’Neal: 13.6 ppg, 6.9 rpg

Shaquille O’Neal: 12.0 ppg, 6.7 rpg

            The five combined for 73.5 ppg, a drop of 45.4 ppg from their 2000-2001 selves. Now before throwing away this team as being entirely washed up, I think it’s important to remember that Pierce, Allen, Garnett all played on different teams 10 years ago and would probably all still average at least 20 a game if they were the sole offensive option. Also, guys like Rondo, Perkins, Big Baby Davis and Nate Robinson who were 14 years old in 2000-2001 have now turned into the league’s top point guard, one of the best defensive centers, and then of course Shrek and Donkey, a combination off the bench capable of altering an NBA Finals game against the Los Angeles Lakers. Throw in Delonte West who is playing exceptionally well in this pre-season and the Celtics roster looks even better than it did a year before.

            And I love the personality and the storylines of this team. Nate Robinson’s videos of himself dunking over Shaq or running wind sprints in Shaq’s shoes, Shaquille O’Neal “Statue” at Harvard, Big Baby Davis slobbering all over the place, Pierce, Allen, Garnett, Rondo, Rivers, Perkins all seeking revenge for game 7 that they feel slipped away, Shaquille seeking ring number five, beating Kobe to do so, Delonte West possibly being on the team that knocks out LeBron after many feel he was the main reason LeBron deserted the Cavaliers, and finally the Celtics trying to win banner 18 keeping distance from the Lakers who are out to tie them with 17. I know everyone probably wants to see a Lakers vs Heat finals and Nike has probably, once again, prematurely filmed the Kobe vs. LeBron commercials, but I want to see another classic Boston/LA series like last year. Both the Celtics and Lakers have gotten better over the off-season and I want to see them go at it for 7 games again, a series that dare I say could be even better than the historic one last season.

            But let me back-up, far behind the NBA Finals, far behind the Eastern Conference Finals, behind the opening round of the playoffs, back before the all-star break, all the way back to where we are at this very moment, 12:50 a.m. the late night/early morning of game one of the regular season, Celtics vs. Miami in Boston. I know the season is 82 games long, the Miami Heat’s big three have only played 3 minutes together meaning they'll only get better with time, D-Wade, Mike Miller, Delonte West and Perkins could all be out, but I think this game will tell a lot about what to expect come springtime.

            This is old school Boston Tea Party principles versus the secretly overrated new-age Obama Administration, Rocky Balboa versus Mayweather in Rocky 6, the aged John Elway versus the up and coming Brett Favre 1998. I see this matchup between the Miami Heat and Boston Celtics like a community center pickup game when the young, athletic, high school/college players go up against the 40 + year old, lunch break from work, dads who refuse to give up on the sport. Full court, no chance, the young guys run away with it, but in a cross court or half court setting, the older guys tap into their fundamental, post-up offense mixed in with incredibly physical, brute force defense that results in hard fought wins that irritate the cockier youth. When you’re young you have two tickers in your head, one counting your team’s points and one counting your own. When you’re old, you’re just ticking, and winning a game to 11 of pick-up basketball is the only way to stay sane in a world of Excel spreadsheets, bosses complaining about your recent TPS reports, and a copy machine that makes you want to go Barry Bonds on it at the first glimpse of a flashing red-light error (my knowledge of the workplace is almost entirely based off of Office Space and my baseball references are as outdated as an Aaron Carter CD).

         Big men and defense are the way to control the pace in the NBA and the Celtics have both. In a series against the Heat, Rondo will win a game exposing Arroyo or Chalmers, then Spoelstra will switch to Wade on Rondo and Ray Allen will have his one lights out shooting night that wins a game, there’ll be that strange bench game the Celtics always have (Posey and Leon Powe in 2008, Shrek and Donkey in 2010) and then the fourth victory will either be the Paul Pierce heroic comeback from injured leg performance (te he), the KG crazy man performance, the ultimate team defensive effort, or the Doc Rivers outcoaching Spoelstra down the stretch game. Perkins, KG, Shaq, Jermaine O’Neal, and Big Baby Davis is the best group of big men in the league and will toss Chris Bosh, Joel Anthony, Udonis Haslem, Big Z, and Jamaal Magloire around like Lennie Small handling a puppy in Of Mice and Men. As for LeBron and Wade I think you handle them like the Pistons handled Shaq and Kobe, you try to slow down one of them, let one go off for his points then shut down everyone else on the roster. If the Celtics smother Wade, LeBron, Bosh, and Chalmers is the guy to hit the game winning three a la KU vs Memphis 2008, I can live with that and be somewhat happy with the Heat's victory. A healthy Boston beats the Heat 4 out of 7 and I think the nearly healthy Boston beats Miami later on tonight.

         If the Heat lose this game tonight, expect a Spoelstra and Chris Bosh for Chris Paul trade to be completed by Wednesday and Pat Riley to be the head coach versus the Orlando Magic Friday night. If the Celtics lose they can still hold onto the idea that Perkins and Delonte West’s return will push them over the hump come playoff time. This game means a lot to both teams, the Celtics hate this new "Big 3" and want to prove they've still got it, the Heat want to prove all the haters wrong and start with an exclamation point to their Bulls record shattering season. I don't see how this won't be an incredible game to watch.

         I am going to go as far as to say that I think if the Celtics played the Lakers in a seven game series with both rosters entirely healthy and no rounds of playoffs before hand, the Celtics would win. It’s easy to forget just how close they were to being crowned champion last season. Game 7, 13 point lead, contained Kobe only to watch a Ron Artest three be the dagger. If the Celtics won that game they would have had two titles in three years, the middle year having an asterisk next to the Lakers name since KG was out for the playoffs. As Doc Rivers says, this starting five (Rondo, Allen, Pierce, KG, Perkins) have never lost a playoff series together when they each start the game. This Celtics team is a bad final few minutes last season and a KG injury the year before away from having a three-peat looking at an unheard of fourth straight championship in the modern era. Yes, they’re old, but with that age comes that determination where stats don’t matter, glory doesn’t matter, finding their name in the newspaper doesn’t matter, all that matters is winning. The starting five plus Nate Robinson and Big Baby are all haunted by game 7, Shaquille is haunted that Kobe has one more ring than him, Jermaine is still yet to win a title and realizes his time is winding down, and Delonte West wants to prove he’s more than just the alleged guy who slept with LeBron’s mom. Like the old guys at an open gym, winning the game means the world to them, because they don’t have the luxury of fresh legs and plenty of time on their sides.

         So then, why haven’t I put the Celtics at number one? Well, I think the road to the championship will simply be too difficult. First off, the regular season they will have to limit minutes and mirror some of the tactics used last year to keep the core healthy for a deep playoff run. This means that the Magic and Heat will probably finish with a better record than them and put them in as the #3 seed. As the #3 seed, they will have to play either a #6 seed New York Knicks team that will play an up-tempo, D’antoni styled, fast paced game leading to a surprising 6 game series that wears down old legs or a Hawks team who has caused trouble before (see the 7 game first round near scare the Hawks gave them in 2008). The Magic will have swept the 7 seed again be it the Hawks, Knicks, or 76ers and learn from last season to start out strong taking a 2-0 lead on the Celts. Playing from behind, the Celtics will claw their way back and complete another brutal 6 or 7 game series. Then, on top of all of that, they have to take down the Heat in what is sure to be both a physical and fast paced games (the 3 Heat wins will be because Miami controls the tempo). To believe that the Celtics will have all of their guys, most of them being above age 30 at full health and strength to battle the Lakers seems impossible. There’s a reason four of my top six and three of my top four teams in the NBA were from the Eastern Conference, the top of the East is far better than the top of the West. Five through twelve out West makes the five through twelve of the East look like a JV league, but at the top, Boston, Miami, Orlando, Chicago is a stronger punch than Los Angeles, Oklahoma City, San Antonio, Dallas.

         If this is that magical final tour for this aging band and they can stay completely healthy for the whole seven game series with L.A. meaning no ailing Shaq, no KG knee problems, no Perkins absence for game 7, the Celtics will win the NBA Championship keeping the lead over L.A. with their 18th banner. However, with such a brutal path through the Eastern Conference, expect the Celtics to come limping into the final stretch leaving fans wondering what if this team had been assembled ten years earlier. Which means the number one team in the NBA is…