“She’s a great girl LeBron, you don’t have to leave her if you don’t want to,” Shaquille said in a deep voice of comfort. “But listen, I need to go to the bathroom real quick, are you gonna be alright out here?”
LeBron nodded and felt tears swelling up in his lower eyelids again. As Shaquille walked away, LeBron let out another deep sigh and began scanning the crowd attempting to gain interest in any of the surrounding women. As he looked around, he could only see Ms. Cleveland’s face in all the other girls around the bar. When he looked over at Ms. Thunder and Kevin Durant laughing together and engaging in an almost disturbing level of PDA , he couldn’t help but remember his first contract extension with Ms. Cleveland. When he looked over at Ms. Washington and the young John Wall shyly playing footsy underneath the table, LeBron was reminded of how nervous he was going out with Ms. Cleveland for the first time. Tears were now coming to his eyes even heavier and he had no choice other than to hide his face behind his hand and turn around from the crowd.
As he spun in the stool he felt a hand land softly on his shoulder. He hesitantly turned around still trying to cover his face. He slowly removed his hand from his eye then instantly lit up with a smile bigger than anyone had ever seen. Standing in front of him was his best friend Jay-Z and his lovely wife Beyonce`. LeBron couldn’t help but stand up immediately and throw his arms around his loyal confidant. Jay-Z started to laugh during the embrace and firmly pat LeBron on the back.
“King James babay!” Jay-Z said smiling from ear to ear. “How things going man, you looked a lil down when we came in here, what’s going on brotha?”
For the first time of the night, King James felt some sense of relief and he began pouring his heart out telling Jay-Z everything about Ms. Cleveland and their recent relationship struggles. Jay-Z nodded along and Beyonce` occasionally flashed LeBron a comforting smile.
From Russia with love?
“The thing is, with Ms. Cleveland, she means the world to me, and she really has the edge over every other girl out there,” LeBron said with all honesty in his voice. “I love her, I really do.”
“Well honey,” Beyonce` said reaching out for LeBron’s arm. “If you liked her then you shoulda put a ring on it.”
Beyonce` waved her hand in the air playfully and the three laughed together. LeBron and Jay-Z began to catch up as they ordered another round of drinks.
All my single ladies, all my single ladies
“Actually, I’m glad you came down here tonight,” Jay-Z said motioning toward the front entrance. An extremely tall, shorthaired Russian man came walking toward the three of them with a beautiful Russian model walking arm and arm.
“It is very important for me Mr. LeBron that I introduce to you my lovely daughter, Ms. Jerseyov,” the man said in a thick Russian accent. “You put jersey on, she take jersey off you know? She is new to the USA I thought maybe ze best option for her was for you to show her around, no? I give you two thirty million dollars for weekend in Brooklyn.”
LeBron looked over at Jay-Z and Jay-Z motioned for him to walk over to a table in the back. The two sat down and Jay-Z began explaining how this New Jerseyov is a pretty attractive girl, but is still relatively unknown.
“Look man, I’d love for you to end up with her and have you come hang out with me all the time, but I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I convinced you to leave what you have with Ms. Cleveland and then things don’t work out with Jerseyov,” Jay-Z said removing his sunglasses. “But just remember you’re not gonna be forever young, think about your future man.”
"Thank God you're here man!"
The two exchanged a complex fist pound/hand shake/state farm commercial dance and said their goodbyes as Jay-Z and Beyonce` exited the club. The large Russian man and the beautiful Russian model followed after and stopped to say a few final words with the King.
“LeBron, just think about it my friend,” the Russian billionaire smiled. “I have ze secret for your success.”
LeBron watched the four exit the club and began to think about what it would be like to start fresh with the beautiful Jerseyov. Double dates with Jay-Z, jet skiing in three piece suits, touring the globe all being funded by the infinite wallet of the Russian billionaire. He walked back to the bar scanning the crowd to see where Shaquille had gone. He sat back on the stool and in an instant a fiery red head had positioned herself so that her nose was nearly touching LeBron’s.
“Hi,” she said in a thick New York accent. “My name is Madison Square-Garden, but you can call me Madi.”
LeBron smiled nervously at her and tried to create some type of space. She inched closer.
“Listen I’m gonna be right up front with you,” she said reaching out and grabbing LeBron’s biceps. “One billion dollars, right here, I’ll write the check, all you have to do is leave…” she said reaching her hand provocatively into her dress. “With…” she said now pulling out a check book. “Me.”
LeBron was beginning to sweat and was hoping for some type of distraction. As he tried to inch away from her, he saw Amar’e Stoudemire and Drew Gooden approaching. The two smiled at LeBron and placed their drink order at the bar.
“Listen, Madi, I’m sorry but I got a girl already,” LeBron said fearing that she could snap at any moment.
“Fine,” Madi replied tossing her hair into LeBron’s face. She looked over at Amar’e and smiled. “Hey Amar’e what do you say 100 million and you leave here with me?”
“Oh absolutely!” Amar’e said pounding his shot of vodka.
"Maybe she won't remember giving me the 100 million in the morning?"
The two exited the club and Drew Gooden let out a deep, bellied laugh.
“Ah don’t worry about that,” Gooden said patting LeBron on the back. “You can’t trust those hyphenated last name girls anyways. Too much drama with their mommy and daddy. How are you though man? How’s Ms. Cleveland? I haven’t seen her in a long time.”
“Ah, things are tough man,” LeBron replied feeling relieved once again to be talking to an old friend. “I don’t know if we’re gonna be together much longer.”
Drew Gooden took a sip of his Natty Lite and nodded in agreement. He looked at LeBron and then out at the club.
“Hey I hear ya man, I’ve been in and out of relationships now for five years,” Gooden said shaking his head from side to side. “They say they want me, then they send me away, then another wants me and sends me away. You should enjoy it, at least the girls still care where you go. No one even knows I still play.”
“Ah, that can’t be true man,” LeBron replied.
“Oh no, it really is,” Gooden fired back. “See watch this.”
Drew Gooden stood up and put his hands in a cup around his mouth.
“Attention everybody,” Drew Gooden exclaimed. No one in the club looked over his way. “I’ve decided to marry Ms. Utah!”
Gooden looked around to see that no one had even looked over his way and he sat back down on the stool with an, “I told you so expression” on his face.
“See nothing,” Gooden said smiling at LeBron. “I’m gonna join the NFL!” Gooden shouted back at the crowd. “See, still nothing. You’ve got a good life King.”
As Gooden took another sip of his Natty, a shy, but adorably cute girl came over and tapped the shaved head, bearded man on the shoulder.
“Hi, Drew?” she said nervously. “My name’s Ms. Milwaukee, I want to be with you for at least a couple years.”
LeBron’s jaw dropped and even Drew Gooden couldn’t hold back his complete surprise.
“Well, don’t mind if I do,” Gooden said winking at LeBron. Gooden and Ms. Milwaukee walked off into the distance holding hands and laughing along the way.
As LeBron watched them leave he let out a slight chuckle and shook his head in disbelief. Even Drew Gooden was finding love before he, LeBron thought to himself.
“Pretty unbelievable huh?” a delicate voice said to his right. LeBron turned around and almost fell backwards out of his stool as he looked over at one of the most beautiful women he had ever seen in his life. She batted her eyelashes at him and smiled extending her hand. “My name’s Ms. Chicago, it’s a pleasure to meet you LeBron.
The two began chatting and LeBron was immediately intrigued. Everything from her favorite music to her favorite movies were things LeBron also loved. She told him how she had a very high paying job with a bright future and was surrounded by a lot of good people in her life.
“All that’s really missing is someone to share it with,” she said placing her hand on LeBron’s. She smiled up at him and squeezed his hand. “We’d be great together.”
LeBron felt differently about her than he did when seeing the new Jerseyov and Madison Square-Garden. What Jerseyov had in beauty, Ms. Chicago far exceeded, and what Madison had in money, Ms. Chicago was not too far behind. She didn’t have the shadiness or craziness that the previous girls had either, she was calm, cool, seemingly perfect. LeBron looked at her, as if he were looking for some type of crack in what appeared to be the perfect woman.
“Ok, so tell me about your love life,” LeBron asked boldly. “Have you been in serious relationships before?”
Ms. Chicago began to blush and began nervously twiddling her thumbs.
“Let’s not talk about the past,” she said softly.
“No, come on, alright, here I’ve been with a girl Ms. Cleveland now for seven years,” LeBron said inching closer to her. “See now your turn.”
“Do you promise not to get mad?” Ms. Chicago said cringing. “It usually upsets people.”
“What, do I look like Chris Brown or something?” LeBron said putting his arms out in the air. “Of course I won’t get mad, the past is the past. Who is it?”
“Ok,” Ms. Chicago said taking a deep breath to build up her courage. “I,” she said looking up at LeBron then looking quickly away. “I used to be in a relationship with Barack Obama.”
Ms. Chicago cringed and stared down at the floor waiting for LeBron to explode. After a few seconds she heard a howl of laughter coming from LeBron and slowly looked up to see the King slapping his knee with his hand, roaring in laughter upon his bar stool throne.
“That’s it? That skinny little guy?” LeBron replied tearing up again this time out of pure laughter. “Oh God, what a relief!”
Ms. Chicago began cautiously laughing too and LeBron rubbed his index finger under his eye and continued to laugh.
“Whew, what a relief,” LeBron said catching his breath and inching closer to Ms. Chicago. “I thought you were gonna say like, I dunno, Michael Jordan or something crazy like that.”
The smile disappeared instantly from Ms. Chicago’s face. She quickly looked back down at the ground, twiddling her thumbs again. LeBron’s heart began to race and sink in his chest at the same exact time. The enormous smile on his face had vanished in its place was a sheer look of horror.
“You were with Michael Jordan!” LeBron yelled. The entire bar looked over his way. “How the hell am I supposed to compete with that!”
“You said you wouldn’t get mad!” Ms. Chicago screamed back now standing up from her stool. “I didn’t get mad at you about your ex!”
“Yeah, but I didn’t know it was gonna be Michael Jordan!” LeBron fired back.
“It was a long time ago!” Ms. Chicago shouted as she began gathering her purse. “I thought you would understand.”
“Answer me this, are you completely over him?” LeBron asked crossing his arms across his chest.
“I mean, no, well come on, yes, yes, I mean, ok if he came back to me, and I dunno, I’d have to think about it”
“You’re not even over him!” LeBron said staring at the ground in disappointment. “God, what’s next you gonna tell me you dated what like f:-(ing Fabio?”
"I demand two maximum contracts," -Fabio
Ms. Chicago bit her bottom lip and stared back at the ground.
“Oh God!” LeBron exclaimed. “Just go, just go ahead and go.”
Ms. Chicago looked up angrily at LeBron then in a quick motion tossed her drink in his face. She stormed LeBron, then stopped in her tracks along with the rest of the bar when none other than Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh walked inside. Ms. Chicago looked at the two then back at LeBron and made sure to make a flirtacious scene as she exited. Bosh laughed and shook his head as Wade turned around and gazed at her walk out of the bar.
“Wow,” Wade said looking back at Bosh. “I might have to give her a call.”
“Waaaay too much baggage bro,” Bosh replied patting him on the back.
The two looked up at LeBron and jogged over to their long lost friend. The three exchanged hugs and began talking about everything that had been going on in their lives. LeBron was shocked to see they were just as unhappy as he was. As they began ordering a round of drinks and reminiscing of the Olympics with each other, in the door walked none other than Pat Riley, dressed from slicked back hair gelled head to Armani suit, Gucci belt, gator shoe toe. He walked into the bar as if moving in slow motion. He smiled at the three all-stars at the bar then motioned for the bartender to come his way.
"GQ comes to me for advice."
“Hey, excuse me, do you have anywhere I can park my sixty foot sail boat?” Riley said as he applied another bottle of hair gel.
“Sir, how did you sail here from Florida?” the bartender asked raising an eyebrow.
“Oh, I’m that good,” Riley said grinning. “Could I have three shots of sex on the beach. Thanks.”
Riley walked over and shook hands with the three ballplayers. As he finished shaking hands with Bosh, he turned around and put his hand out in display as three women came strutting their way into the bar. One by one Wade, LeBron, and Bosh’s jaws dropped to the floor. Riley let out a hearty laugh and in a loud announcer voice proclaimed:
“Gentlemen, I’d like you to meet three very special ladies,” Riley said putting on his pair of sunglasses. “These are My Amy’s." Riley slid the three shots of sex on the beach down to the three all stars and smiled. "Prepare yourself for the heat.”
ACT 3: Will "My Amy's" prove to be too much heat for Ms. Cleveland?
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