Joe Dumars’s career is kind of like King David’s from the Bible. Everybody in Detroit loved him in the Goliath slaying, sweeping Magic Johnson’s Lakers, 1989 era, and everybody cheered his name again when he took the throne in 2004 as the mastermind behind the Ben Wallace/Chauncey Billups led Pistons. But then came the Bathsheba/Uriah the Hittite era filled with questionable impulse decisions and borderline betrayals leaving Detroit Pistons fans suddenly skeptical of their former hero and growing ever demanding that he deliver some type of Psalmic apologies.
What happened to the Pistons from 2004 to 2010 is what I like to call the, “NBA Arby’s Syndrome.” As a fast food restaurant, Arby’s tastes significantly better than their competition. Instead of hamburgers you have varying levels of stacked roast beef sandwiches, instead of soggy, plain, yellow French fries, you have curly fries, second only to Rally’s, and you can even throw in mozzarella sticks or jalapeno poppers as a side dish to your meal. While other fast food places give you only the option of ketchup, Arby’s gives you three choices at your immediate disposal, including Arby’s sauce, which, is by far the best fast food bar-b-q sauce out there (McDonald's buffalo sauce is the best overall sauce, but in terms of bbq the nod has to go to Arbys).
The problem is too many people started talking into the Arby’s executives ears saying, “Hey, we’re becoming a pretty elite restaurant, let’s start putting in some Market Fresh sandwiches, raise our prices, and take the chicken fingers off the menu.” As soon as the meals became 8 or 9 dollars the whole, “I’m thinkin’ Arby’s” thing becomes, “I might as well just go to Applebees or Bennigans if I’m gonna pay close to 10 dollars anyways.” Eventually, you have to scrap the whole attempt at being elite, regroup with what made you successful before, and then work the way back to the top of the fast food franchises, only to become carried away once again and begin relapse into Arby's Syndrome.
About two or three teams a decade fall victim to the Arby’s Syndrome and the result is usually a championship, or near championship at the beginning of the cycle, followed by a slow and steady demise, completed finally with a fall to the bottom of the conference.
Exhibit A
The Jason Kidd era New Jersey Nets. With Jason Kidd at the point, Richard Jefferson as the scorer, and Kenyon Martin as the explosive power forward, the Nets reached the NBA Finals two years in a row, first time swept by Los Angeles, second time 4-2 loss to the San Antonio Spurs. It’s at this moment when the Nets began to think they were at a higher level than they actually were. After coming up unsuccessful again the next season then the Arby’s Syndrome really began to kick in with the thought process of, “Well if we bring in the Market Fresh Vince Carter and get rid of Kenyon Martin, that’ll be the one tweak we need to take this team to the championship again.” But sure enough they found themselves caught at the top of the Eastern conference as a good team, but not a great team, which means slowly but surely you have to trade away your key pieces and embrace a 12 win 2009-2010 rebuilding year.
Exhibit B
Detroit Pistons 2004-2010. Winning the title in 2004 made the Pistons believe, and rightfully so since this team was one of the all time greats, that they were a dynasty in the making. The next season they had the best record in the NBA and were a game away from being a two-time champion. This first setback was when things began to fall apart. Coach Larry Brown departed for NYC and Ben Wallace signed for an oversized contract in Chicago as a part of his own personal Arby’s Syndrome. The next year they were witness to LeBron’s 30 points in a row and the panic came of, “Well if we just switch Chauncey for Allen Iverson and then sign Ben Gordon and Charlie Villanueva we can remain at the top!” Then came 27 wins.
The Orlando Magic will be the next victim of it and, in a way, if the Boston Celtics don’t win this year’s title they too could be another Arby’s Syndrome victim.
But the thing is, this is Detroit, fans here are loyal beyond measure to their teams and consistently believe the Lions will be able to turn things around even after an 0-16 season. Why not look at the Pistons roster with this same level of optimism? Let’s compare the Detroit Pistons with the Miami Heat:
Point Guard-
Rodney Stuckey and Will Bynum versus Mario Chalmers and Eddie House. Advantage Pistons, Stuckey is an up and coming point guard and Bynum can score in a hurry off the bench.
Shooting Guard
Rip Hamilton and Ben Gordon versus Dwyane Wade. With D-Wade having to run around the court trying to guard Rip and then have to run around the court to guard Gordon he will have no juice left in his legs to hit shots on offense. Advantage Pistons!
Small Forward
Teyshaun Prince, Tracy McGrady, Jonas Jerebko versus LeBron James. We all know what Teyshaun can do on defense and T-Mac is a former scoring champion. Jerebko is also the best young player that you haven’t heard about if you live outside of Detroit (or even in Detroit for that matter). LeBron James will struggle to get by Prince, become exhausted guarding T-Mac, who will of course be back into his 2005 prime, and then with absolutely nothing left in the tank will constantly fall over trying to stay in front of Jerebko. Advantage Pistons!
Power Forward
Charlie Villanueva, Jason Maxiell, Austin Daye versus Chris Bosh. Villanueva can play inside or outside, Maxiell’s a force to be reckoned with, and Austin Daye will dunk all over Bosh, who will of course be just as exhausted as the other two kings. Advantage Pistons!
Center
Ben Wallace, Greg Monroe, Chris Wilcox versus Udonis Haslem. Ben Wallace is a former defensive MVP, Greg Monroe was great at Georgetown, and Chris Wilcox was a beast for the Maryland Terrapins in the 2001 Final Four. No contest, this goes to the Pistons.
As you can see, under the Detroit Lions enhanced lens, this Detroit Pistons team is better at every position than the Miami Heat and should be well on their way, just like the Lions, to win about 80-90% of their games.
If basketball was played with 11 players on the court at a time, the Pistons would be unstoppable. If this was an NBA Live roster from 2004, you would be considered a dooshbag for choosing them since other teams wouldn't nearly come close. And if the top 20 players in the NBA decided to take a year off, this Pistons team would win the title easily. The problem is, it’s 2010, five players on the court at a time is still the rule, and the Lions are currently 0-3. The Pistons could finish as high as an 8 or 9 seed in the Eastern Conference, but I think this roster screams that a trade is in the works, one that will probably send Teyshaun to a contender, Rip to Denver for Chauncey Billups, and the rebuilding project will begin as they steadily fall to a 12 win season.
At the end of the day, even a great Arby’s roast beef sandwich with curly fries and mozzarella sticks drenched in marinara and Arby’s sauce will still never be worth a 20 dollar price tag. The Pistons franchise is not the fine sit-down restaurant like the Lakers or Celtics, but they are historically the best of the other 28 fast food franchises. As soon as they realize this, they can get back to winning one or two titles a decade, but until then, they’re an NBA lottery team with an outside chance at 40 wins.
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