A Burning Love
“What do I have to do to make you happy?!” LeBron yelled as he stormed out of the bedroom. The 6’8, 250 pound James slammed the door behind him and strode his way down the hallway. The sound of his footsteps reverberated throughout the house and in an instant Ms. Cleveland came sprinting out of the bedroom after him.
“What do you have to do?!” she said throwing her hands into the air as she ran towards him. “What do I have to do!”
“Oh give me a break Ms. Cleveland, I’ve given everything to you, I’m the one who made you relevant,” LeBron yelled back as he began throwing his tooth brush and Vitamin waters into a Nike backpack. “All your boyfriends before me were losers, complete and utter losers.”
“Oh is that so!” Ms. Cleveland said positioning herself in the bathroom doorway. “Well at least they were all loyal to me! Well except for Art Modell, but all the rest of them could at least commit to me. It’s been seven years LeBron what are you waiting for?”
“Oh God, do you want a ring? Is that what will finally make you happy!” LeBron fired back as he threw a final bottle of Sprite into the backpack and zipped the contents away.
“Well, is that too much to ask!” Ms. Cleveland replied staring up into LeBron’s eyes.
“Look, I can’t take this anymore,” LeBron said maneuvering his way under her arms. “I need some time to myself, don’t call me, don’t text me, don't look me up on Twitter, I need to see what else is out there.
LeBron threw the backpack’s straps around his shoulders and continued his way out of his Akron home. With thoughts swirling wildly through his head, he almost didn’t even notice the car horn repeatedly honking nearby. He looked up slowly and saw Kevin Garnett’s face smiling at him out of the drivers’ side window.
“Hey LeBron,” Garnett called out. “How are you man? How are things going with Ms. Cleveland?”
LeBron looked down at the sidewalk then looked back up at Garnett with tears forming in his eyes. He tried as hard as he could to hold the tears back, but before he could say anything, Garnett chimed in.
“Look, LeBron, you’re a loyal guy, you’ve given everything to that girl, but listen don’t make the same mistake I did,” Garnett said solemnly. “I stayed with Ms. Minnesota for 12 years and I wish I woulda left her five years before I did. My second marriage with Mrs. Boston has been everything I dreamed of and more. Listen to me, at the end of the day you gotta do what makes you happy.”
"I'm begging you LeBron, don't be where I was!"
LeBron nodded in appreciation as Garnett rolled up his window and drove away.
King James continued his trek down the sidewalk, staring down at the pavement and slowly beginning to try and piece his thoughts together. He came to a four-way intersection and looked across the street to see a tall man wearing an all purple, silky suit with necklaces hanging around his neck and a pair of ridiculous sunglasses with an equally outrageous purple hat. Next to him stood three women wearing a combined total of one outfit.
“Hey yo LeBron,” the man yelled from across the street. “Come ovah here man, I got my girls Ms. Minnesota, Ms. Memphis, and Ms. Detroit for ya. What’da’ya say!”
LeBron looked at the women and felt sick to his stomach. He turned his feet right and crossed over to the opposite side of the road.
"C'mon, whad'ya say!"
After passing by a few restaurants and clothing stores, he felt a slight tap on his shoulder and quickly spun around to see who it was. Standing before him was what appeared to be a seven foot tall cactus.
“Psssst,” a voice whispered from inside the cactus costume. “Hey LeBron, it’s Shaquille. Follow me.”
Shaq-incognito
LeBron scratched his head in confusion, but proceeded to follow the enormous cactus. The two proceeded down a dark alleyway, stepping over puddles along the way, until they arrived at the back entrance of what appeared to be a run down nightclub.
“Listen LeBron,” Shaquille said as he began to unzip the cactus costume. “I know things aren’t working out for you with Ms. Cleveland and you know I’m there for you, I still will be the best man at you guys’s wedding, but listen you have to explore what else is out there.”
Shaquille pulled the cactus costume off entirely and stood in front of LeBron wearing basketball shorts and a superman t-shirt.
“Look, LeBron, I’ve had my fair share of failed marriages,” Shaquille said to him now wearing a huge grin on his face. “But dammit did I have fun along the way. Let’s go find you a new woman.”
Shaquille pushed the back door open and was greeted by a roar of cheers. LeBron followed shyly behind until Shaquille stepped out of the way and the room went entirely silent with a few gasps heard from the back of the bar.
“Is that,” the bartender said pausing and putting her hand in a sailor’s visor over her eyes. “LeBron James?”
LeBron slowly approached the bar still somewhat trying to hide in Shaquille’s shadow. As he approached, he walked by a table consisting of two couples that appeared to be on a double date. The two ladies were Ms. Houston and Ms. Dallas and sitting next to them were Yao Ming and Dirk Nowitski. As LeBron walked by the table, Ms. Houston and Ms. Dallas both began to push up their bras and playfully run their fingers through their hair.
“Oh I wonder what he’d look like in my jersey,” Ms. Dallas said giddily.
“Oh I know right,” Ms. Houston replied playfully nudging Ms. Dallas’s shoulder. “But I’ve been thinking about maybe trying me a lil Chris Bosh.”
“Is he here too?” Ms. Dallas said as she began rapidly scanning the bar. “Oh my God, I’d love to have him down low.”
“You do realize me and Yao are sitting right here?” Dirk said shaking his head from side to side.
lol
LeBron took a seat on the stool next to Shaquille and forced a smile at the bartender. Shaquille ordered for the bartender to bring them a round of rum and cokes. In a few seconds the bartender placed the glasses in front of them and smiled somewhat flirtaciously at LeBron.
“LeBron feast your eyes upon the lay of the land my friend,” Shaquille said spinning around in his stool and taking a sip from the thin red straw. “I mean you can literally have any woman you want in here.”
It's good to be King
“Well, any woman except for that lovely little Angel over there,” said a deep voice sneaking up on LeBron’s right. The two spun their stools to the right and standing in front of them was none other than Kobe Bryant.
“I’ll have the champion please,” Kobe said nodding at the bartender. Kobe turned toward Shaquille and LeBron and fired them both a cheesy grin.
"He's ordered that drink every day this month," the bartender said under her breath.
“Well if it isn’t the self proclaimed greatest player of all time Kobe Bryant,” Shaquille uttered through his teeth.
“Woops, hey I’ll be with you guys in a second,” Kobe said putting his index finger into the air and turning back toward the bartender.
“Ok, are you ready Mr. Bryant,” the bartender said in a slightly agitated voice.
“Ready if you are sugar,” Kobe replied.
The bartender rolled her eyes and let out a small sigh. She poured the glass full of Sunny D and looked back up at Kobe.
“Here’s the champion,” she said in a monotone voice. “Wiiittth,” she said holding out the word as she reached for a bottle of vodka.
“The last second shot,” she and Kobe said in unison as she poured a shot into the drink. Kobe smiled and placed a hundred dollar bill on the counter and sat down on the stool beside LeBron.
“So I heard you were having some relationship struggles with Ms. Cleveland?” Kobe asked LeBron in a false voice of sincerity.
“Hey why don’t you go ahead and get out of here,” Shaquille fired back defensively.
As Shaquille stood up from the stool, the blonde haired, blue eyed, extremely large silicon busted lady that Kobe had pointed out earlier came approaching the bar. In the background Jack Nicholson was clapping his hands. She smiled at Kobe and proceeded to walk over and nuzzle her head on his shoulder.
Angel Lake = Los Angeles Lakers by the way
“Oh, wait how rude of me! LeBron I don’t think you two have ever met, this is my wife Angel Lake,” Kobe said putting his arm around her shoulder. “And Shaquille, I believe you two have already met.”
Shaquille immediately ordered another round of drinks and looked down at Kobe ready to pounce.
“I’m surprised you allowed her to come to a bar like this,” Shaquille fired back. “Watch out she might see something younger and skinnier than you and forget about all the good times and all the joy you brought to her and she’ll just throw ya to the curb.”
“Sounds like somebody still rides the bitter train,” Kobe said grinning at Shaquille. “Listen, she was your second marriage, you were young, it happens. But the good thing is you’re happy now though right? You’re on what like wife number five or so? It’s Ms. Phoenix right, how’s she doing?”
Shaquille lunged forward at Kobe and LeBron stood up quickly to hold him back.
yep.
“Shaquille! Calm yourself down man!” LeBron yelled as he lifted him into the air by his jersey.
“Besides, Kobe here is just upset about finishing second in the MVP race the last two years.”
The entire bar was now watching the scene and all let out a matching, “Ohhh!” after LeBron landed the MVP jab.
Kobe snarled angrily back at LeBron and put his arm tighter around Angel Lake. He glared at LeBron for several seconds then a grin slowly formed on his face as if a light bulb had turned on above his head.
“Alright Angel let’s get out of here, there’s too many losers I wouldn’t want to catch their losery loser disease,” Kobe said holding her hand and leading her away from the bar. As he walked by LeBron he stopped and put his face right right next to LeBron’s ear.
“And I don’t think MVP’s really matter too much to Ms. Cleveland,” Kobe whispered into LeBron’s ear. “I heard she’s been complaining you finish too early.”
They don't call him the best closer in the game for nothin'
This time LeBron lunged at Kobe and Shaquille was the one holding him back. LeBron struggled for a few moments then sat back down into the stool feeling defeated. Both Shaquille and LeBron took a large sip of their drinks and placed them down on the bar at the same time. Shaquille looked off into the distance and began to shake his head.
“I never shoulda left Ms. Orlando!” Shaquille said softly. “And look at her over there laughing with Dwight. He’s even wearing the same exact shirt as me too! How can I compete with a 23 year old version of myself?”
Superman
“Hey at least you’ve been married before, you’ve had the rings. No one takes me seriously right now,” LeBron said looking down into his glass. “Not as long as I’m with Ms. Cleveland.”
Back at the Akron home, Ms. Cleveland was frantically pacing about the kitchen. She now attempted to call LeBron for the twentieth time of the night. Once again the voicemail came up and she left another desperate message.
“Hey, it's me, LeBron listen I wanna make this work. I tried to get Tom Izzo to come here he’s famous for making relationships work, but I couldn’t get a hold of him. But I got Byron Scott, he’s supposed to be just as good and he’s got experience working with people you know! Even your best friend Chris Paul! Look, I wanna make this work, I really do, please, just come home, this is your home, come back to me.”
Now in tears, Ms. Cleveland put her cell phone down on the kitchen table only to pick it up once again and begin dialing LeBron’s number...
END OF ACT 1
Act 2: Where will LeBron's heart lead him?
No comments:
Post a Comment