On November 15, 2010, I turned on my white Apple Macbook, clicked on the uniquely Apple Safari internet browser, and immediately observed a change in the default Apple.com starting point (not sure why I haven’t switched it to Facebook yet since my internet travels generally consist of Facebook check, e-mail check, Facebook chat with Blair Turner, sign off, log on, new Facebook status, sign off).
Tomorrow is just another day. That you’ll never forget. Check back here tomorrow for an exciting announcement from Itunes.
What could this be? I began typing my Google search of “Apple announcement” and the new, slightly, and by slightly I mean extremely frustrating, I-can-read-your-mind Google had my search results up and loaded by the time I entered “Ap.” The sad part is, I always feel like I need to prove Google wrong when they do this to me so I finished the search bar with, “Appalachian State Football schedule 1995-1996 season” and felt a sense of victory at the lack of relevant “hits” Google produced. But then of course, after a quick Facebook check, I typed in my original question and began to read through the potential answers and near hysteric speculation swarming about.
I-phone is coming to Verizon. But wait why would they announce that on Itunes? Shouldn’t that be more of an Apple.com thing? Ok. Well, if it’s on Itunes it’s got to be something about music. Or maybe that’s just what they want us to think. Maybe it’s not on Itunes at all and this was all just a distraction. Maybe they’re putting a monthly rate on music and you can download as many songs as you want. Maybe they’re making their downloads free altogether to sell more Ipods? What if Harry Potter 7, part 1, is being released on Itunes rather than in theaters? What if the Ipad is being re-released with a keyboard under the name “Macbook?” What should I do? Should I admit that I’ve made mistakes? What would be so historic of an event that I would never forget the day that said event took place?
Next morning, loaded up the Apple.com page and saw the black and white photo of four shaggy guys underneath the text, “The Beatles. Now on Itunes.” By the way, my nightmare scenario is that I’m on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire and this picture flashes on the screen:
with the question of, “Name the Beatle on the left.” Obviously, I start out by seeing John Lennon and Paul McCartney in the middle then have to determine which one is George Harrison and then finally, by process of elimination, figure out the last one must be Ringo Starr (Ringo’s secretly underrated, give Octopus’s Garden a listen and appreciate the drummer’s strange composition). I would have already used the “ask the audience” option on some early gimme question and would be left with the usually useless “50/50” and the prized “phone a friend.” I’d go for the “50/50” and sigh at the expected result of B) John Lennon and C) Paul McCartney being erased from the screen. Then Meredith Viera, who I’m convinced is the same person as Katie Couric (I’m also assuming she still hosts a show that might be three or four years removed from the air) would ask me if I wanted to use the “phone-a-friend” or if the “50/50” had at all narrowed it down. How do you make that phone call in 30 seconds?
“Hey so you know the Beatle with the long dark hair that um, well he doesn’t look like Jon Lennon, but he uh, he’s not Paul McCartney either, which one is that again?”
Now first off, and this is free of any sarcasm, I do think that the Beatles coming to Itunes is a really big deal. They’re probably the greatest or at least most successful band of all time and they’re one of the few big names out there that can not be found on Itunes (Kid Rock is surprisingly still holding “Bawitiba” and “Cowboy” ransom from Steve Jobbs while Bob Seger and AC/DC refuse to sell their classics to the masses for $1.29). However, this is not, “Day you will never forget” type of big deal. It’d be like the New York Knicks during this free agency summer putting up the same “tomorrow’s just another day…” message on their website only to announce 24 hours later that they signed Amar`e Stouddemire. Yes, Amar`e’s one of the great power forwards in the game, but he’s not LeBron James, he’s not Dwyane Wade, and he’s not free Itunes music for the holiday season with purchase of reasonably priced Ipod shuffle.
The problem with this move of the Beatles to Itunes is something I alluded to earlier in my Toronto Raptors preview:
However, if too many fans grow to appreciate these two players’ artistic, European, baloncesto resulting in Calderon and Bargnani jerseys flooding the North American streets, suddenly they will become like the Beatles where the true fans distinguish themselves from the bandwagoners by blasting “Across the Universe” or “Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds” on their vinyl record players drowning their dorm-room neighbors blaring, “She Loves You Ya Ya Ya” on a knock off version of an I-Home.
This move to Itunes created another layer in the Beatles hierarchical system, a longer gap between the Beatles Elitists and the bottom feeding, “I just saw Across the Universe on DVD and went home and immediately downloaded the soundtrack” grouping. Here’s how the totem pole looks.
At the top, a “Level One” Beatles fan: The Beatles Elitist. He/she is around 16-24 years old and owns every single Beatles vinyl record even if they might not actually possess a vinyl record player. They don’t have a poster of John Lennon hanging in their dorm/apartment because that would be too mainstream. Instead, they’ve got a picture of Ringo Starr playing the drums or an obscure picture of George Harrison smoking pot in a yellow submarine that they got seemingly as a steal on Ebay for 45 dollars when in actuality the picture was done in Photoshop by a Level Three Beatles fan (more on this later). They’re favorite Beatles song was “Across The Universe” until the motion picture came out and they had to switch to “Rocky Racoon.”
Level Two Beatles Fan: Some would call this the Actual Beatles Fan. Age anywhere from 45 to 65. Grew up when the Beatles became huge in America. Bought their records and as they got older either updated their collection to CD format or held onto the vintage vinyl sound. The really successful Level Twos transfer their CD collections onto their new Ipads and Iphones but always wondered why Itunes didn’t carry Beatles music as they proceed to download the new Bruce Springstein collection. Favorite Beatles song is either “Eleanor Rigby” or “Hey Jude.”
Level Three Beatles Fan: The Technologically savvy, 18-30 year old who previously didn’t have access to Beatles music on his/her Itunes store. In the past, they loaded up their Beatles #1 hits CD and maybe the Let It Be: Naked, but longed for the day that Steve Jobbs would place the entire box set in the store for a humble $149.99 price. With full fluency in Photoshop, this fan began work on the morning of November 16, 2010 creating their own CD art to stomp onto their burned disks to place around their house as if they had always owned the entire collection. To fund their Itunes purchases, Level Threes continued to sell Photoshopped copies of Beatles smoking pot in obscure places to Level Ones across the country and give Apple technologic demonstrations to new Level Two owners. Favorite Beatles song is, “Eight Days A Week.”
Level Four Beatles Fan: The bottom of the barrel, 16-17 year old who has every Beatles song ever made downloaded onto their computer from some version of Limewire free music outlet. The background on their computer is a picture of John Lennon and they publically order green tea in an environmentally friendly cup whenever they go to the coffee shop. They pretend to like obscure British movies and scoff at anyone who quotes Will Ferrel movies, trying extra hard not to laugh the first time they saw Anchorman. This grouping doesn’t believe in Apple, they don’t believe in Google, and prefer to listen to their music on a knock off version of an Ihome. When Apple made the announcement that the Beatles were coming to Itunes, suddenly the Beatles were no longer visionary artists but sell-outs and most Level Fours abandoned ship or at least distinguished themselves as Beatles fans before the Beatles sold out (even though only two Beatles are still living today and all four of the Beatles became famous 30 years before the Level Fours were even a thought in their parents minds). The Level Fours favorite song is “Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds” and will be glad to tell anyone in their presence how the song is really about LSD even though they don’t know what LSD stands for or could distinguish it from a bag of weed. Level Fours are in constant battle with Level Ones trying to follow their lead on which Beatles music makes you look like a Level Two, Three, or Five mainstreamer and what makes you look like a true Beatles fan.
Level Five Beatles Fan: Age 13-50 years old. Hears Beatles song on radio, thinks its good, buys song later on Itunes.
The Beatles coming to Itunes does not help people become Beatles fans, it makes it even harder to become one. The conflict is the same as the Harry Potter fans who have read all the books three times a piece and the Harry Potter fans who have only seen the films. At the end of Harry Potter Seven, well I guess the end of part 1 of Harry Potter Seven it should have been no surprise that (and I guess I’ll put SPOILER ALERT HERE: STOP READING REST OF PARAGRAPH IF YOU HAVENT SEEN THE MOVIE) that Dobbey dies. P.s. why was Hedwig’s death earlier in the movie completely overlooked? That owl was a top 5 most loyal character to Harry Potter over the years and his death doesn’t even get a single tear. But anyways, in honor of Britain with their old school cultural phenomenon Beatles and new school craze Harry Potter both making tons of money, and in honor of British ballplayers like Luol Deng and Ben Gorden, I present Week 3 of the NBA:
10. Kevin Love’s Rollercoaster Week
Week 2 I raised the question: Is Kevin Love secretly good? I received a resounding answer of yes when he put up a 31 point 31 rebound performance against the New York Knicks. Then he got the chance to play the Lakers again, in Minnesota, a team who he put up 23 points 24 rebounds against in week 2. I thought for sure another dominant Kevin Love performance was on its way. The result was this:
0 points. 7 rebounds.
Was he in foul trouble? Nope. 0 personal fouls, 34:07 minutes on the floor. Was this a setback for Kevin Love? I don’t think so. Now, I’m guessing here because this game was nowhere to be seen on TV, but if the Lakers made it their gameplan to make sure to shutdown Kevin Love and allow Darko to go off for 23 pts and 16 rebs then Kevin Love is on his way up the ladder of big men in the NBA. The next step is being able to play through the opponent trying to shut you down and still put up numbers.
9. Oklahoma City Thunder Getting In Rhythm
Two games on the road, at Boston, at Milwaukee, without Kevin Durant. Who would have thought the Thunder would go 2-0 in this stretch? I think this is where things like Durant’s inclusion of Thabo and Kristic on Sports Illustrated and the management in Oklahoma remaining dedicated to this team begin to shine through. The Thunder needed these wins because now their players believe in themselves and not just in Kevin Durant. Likewise, Durant knows, much like Kobe does now, that he can trust his teammates to win games down the stretch too and be able to create as well as hit game winning shots. After starting out 3-3, the Thunder are now 9-4 and atop of their Division, a fourth seed out West if the playoffs began today.
8. New Orleans Continues To Roll, Smart Trade Too
New Orleans is proving that they are for real. They’re 11-1 and currently fighting with San Antonio for the 1 seed out West. I also like what they did with their most recent trade that included no one of real high name/value, but they shipped off the unproductive, massive contract of Peja for a backup, reliable point guard in Jarrett Jack and decent bench guys Center David Andersen and guard Marcus Banks. This will allow Chris Paul to lower the amount of minutes he has to play so that he can be more effective and healthy down the stretch of the season. Jack is perfectly capable of running the offense and this also shows the Hornets aren’t simply satisfied at being 11-1 they want to prove to Chris Paul why he should stay with them. Hornets season is looking bright.
7. You will not want to play the Chicago Bulls in the Playoffs
This team is starting to look like the top four out East type of team I knew they could be. Here’s a look at their last 7 games:
Overtime loss at Boston. A thirty point win over Golden State. Wins over Denver, Washington, Houston, and Dallas Mavericks. Close loss in San Antonio.
At 7-4 on the season with their losses coming to teams whose combined record is 35-17 (29-11 if you throw out the New York Knicks loss) the Bulls are legitimately toward the top of the league right now even without Carlos Boozer. When Boozer returns and meshes with their top 4 level point guard and their top 3 level center, this team will give whoever they play in the Eastern playoffs a fight. We’ll see how they do this week at Los Angeles to play the Lakers.
6. Spurs Might Be The Best Team In The League Right Now
Say the NBA had rankings like the BCS. The season would have started with the Los Angeles Lakers at number 1, Miami at number 2, and Boston Celtics at number 3. The big matchup between Miami and Boston would have been hyped up just like it was and Boston would have leap frogged to number 2, maybe number 1 until the surprising upset loss the following week against Cleveland. Los Angeles would be that perennial power holding onto the number one spot until they lost and the New Orleans Hornets being kind of the TCU/Boise State “is this team legit?” flirted around with the number 1 overall since everyone else kept losing. When the Hornets lost to Dallas then swoops in San Antonio who lost early in the season to the highly ranked Hornets so people forgot about the loss and only see their 10 game winning streak. San Antonio at 11-1 right now is the best team in the NBA. But unlike college football, there’s a playoff at the end which is an error proof system, the downside is the regular season isn’t nearly as entertaining/suspenseful as College Football.
5. Poor Blake Griffin
44 points and 15 rebounds wasn’t enough. Griffin is for real, but his team is still for real the Clippers. At 1-13 currently on a 9 game skid they may be, not mathematically, but realistically eliminated from the playoffs by New Years Eve. This all ties back to my contraction theory, chop off 5-10 bottom dweller franchises and guys like Griffin could be added onto legitimate teams and make the NBA product that much better.
4. Miami Heat’s Pace to 72 Wins
Miami is 8-5. They are currently on pace to finish with 50 wins. To beat the Bulls and fulfill Jeff Van Gundy’s prophecy they will have to win 65 of their next 69 games.
Chris Bosh finally is scoring but let me show you the stat to why Bosh is not going to be an effective post player and why the Heat will struggle against teams that have them.
Chris Bosh is 43rd in the league in rebounding with 6.9 per game. Rudy Gay, a shooting guard/small forward gets 7.4. Miami’s leading rebounder, Udonis Haslem, who just went down with an injury gets around 8.2. Erik Spoelstra wants them to get in and practice harder, maybe learn how to “box out” but since he’s not Pat Riley, the Miami Heat players, as Chris Bosh pointed out in his post game interview, “just want to chill.” This “chill” attitude is the reason post oriented teams like Boston, Utah, and Memphis have beaten them and why they are on pace to be a 2 or 3 possibly 4 seed rather than home court throughout the playoffs.
3. Celtics Losing Weird Games Will Cost Them
The Celtics have beaten the Miami Heat two times. However, their record of 9-4 is only a game better than the Heat’s. Losing games to Cleveland, Toronto, Oklahoma City without Durant are going to come back and bite them when they could’ve been 12-1 right now, #1 seed of the entire NBA getting that game 7 at home instead of in Los Angeles. They’ve proven themselves against the good teams, they’ve beaten the Heat twice, the Thunder with Durant once, the Bulls, the Bucks, and a 2 point loss to the Dallas Mavericks. The veterans on this team rise to the challenge of big games but the lack of a deep youthful bench keeps them from having overall home court advantage and could come back to bite them like it did last year with a brutal run through the playoffs as a 4 seed. In their next 14 games leading up to their trip to Orlando there is no reason they shouldn’t win them all or at least post a 12-2 mark. Going 10-4 or 9-5 through this will mean they are on their to a tough road in the playoffs.
2. Portland Trailblazers
Unlucky franchise. They didn’t draft Jordan. They didn’t draft Durant. Oden will be in a different uniform, if he is in uniform next season and Roy might be injury prone too. Tough stretch for a team that could’ve been contenders.
1. I called the Tony Parker/Eva Longoria split!
If you recall, I wrote this in the San Antonio preview article:
Tony Parker is married to Eva Longoria. Eva Longoria is not a small market wife. Parker becomes a free agent after this season and I feel like somewhere on a post-it note in their master bedroom is a list of teams she has hand picked for him to play for.
Dear Tony,
I've compiled a list of teams you can play for next season:
1. L.A. Lakers or even L.A. Clippers- Just get me to L.A. and get me more face time than Jack Nicholson.
2. New York City- Eh, not as warm as L.A. but 42 home games... 42 new outfits purchased.
3. Miami- South Beach.
So help me if you sign with Oklahoma City, Milwaukee, or Indiana I won't have sex with you for three years and will replace you with that gardener guy from Desperate Housewives from the when people still cared about my show season.
With Love,
Eva
And then this in the Week 2 of the NBA:
I was very surprised to read that Tony Parker signed on for four more years in San Antonio. I feel like this means Eva Longoria is going to leave him soon. The move makes sense from a basketball stand point I’m just surprised Eva didn’t convince him to go out to New York.
This past week Eva Longoria announced the two were ending their marriage! You better believe I’m keeping track of the stats of married Tony Parker vs. divorced Tony Parker along with Eva’s career in the post Tony era. Here’s how they’re doing in the post break-up era:
Tony Parker: 3-0. Led team in scoring each night with 21, 24, 19 points and also led team in assists each night with around 9 a performance.
Eva Longoria: Desperate Housewives?
Top 5 in the NBA as of Week 3
1. San Antonio Spurs
2. Los Angeles Lakers
3. Boston Celtics
4. New Orleans Hornets
5. Oklahoma City Thunder
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